A second entry, still focusing on the subject of feelings, but from a different perspective. While in the last entry I spoke of my sensitivity, I qualified that by stating I am a man nevertheless. What that means is that at times there exists a duality within me. On one hand, the sensitive man, the poet and dreamer; on the other hand, the typical alpha male, chauvinistic, arrogant, and insensitive. Yes, I am a male after all, and possess all the male faults. [Bummer! :( ]
What happens to the relationship between a man and a woman when feelings dominate the relationship? Does anyone care to answer? It seems painfully obvious to me, at least, that relationships, typically, are based on selfish needs and desires. We (each of us) choose our friends carefully. If someone we meet makes us feel bad, then the likelihood of us pursuing a relationship becomes slim, unless of course, in addition to our many other faults, we are dysfunctional, and therefore actively seek out relationships that will enable us to feel even worse than we already do, and fill whatever void it is within us that makes us want to feel worthless and generally dumped upon.
But, I do not believe dysfunction, however prevalent in today's society, is the norm. We tend to fill our lives with people that make us feel good about ourselves. Whatever we are missing in our lives, our friends make our lives more tolerable, and if well chosen, make us feel better about ourselves. The build us up as opposed (to the dysfunctional) to tearing us down. It then becomes a selfish thing, a selfish desire to maintain the friendship or relationship based on how good it makes us feel about ourselves.
A marriage is no different. The problem is, a marriage is supposed to be give and take. But especially in a dysfunctional relationship, it often becomes take and take. Time passes, and we continue thinking in the manner in which we were accustomed. This means that although we genuinely love our partner, we are still basically of the "What's in it for me?" mentality. We are selfish, and selfishness grows. In time, one or both partners feel like they are being used, and they are right.
Long before the realization sets in that we are no longer single, we are up to our old patterns.... selfish thought. We still perceive ourselves as single, and resist any attempts to "become one flesh" as it were. Biblicly, "one flesh" means a lot more than the physical relations between a man and a woman. In time, with luck, and patience, and a whole lot of struggling, a man and a woman join on a different level. It is intimacy.
