An idiot who knows, speaks the truth as he sees it.

In all the old movies, the leading man smoked. The gorgeous starlet smoked. During World War II, cigarettes were routinely inluded in the C-Ration Packs, and in the younger generations, ie: Vietnam, the first Gulf War, and I have no idea about now, it was not uncommon for soldiers to be given a break from marching, "If you have them gentlemen, Light up Now! 5 minutes!" Of course, that meant that the non smokers were penalized, since often they were not smoking, they were directed to continue marching. As a result, many began smoking just so they could take a break with the boys. These are stories I have heard, though I never actually expeienced them personally. If it is not so, let me know, and I will retract these statements.

What I do know for certain is that from the advent of the silver screen, radio, and television, not to mention printed material, tobacco companies endorsed many billions of dollars worth of advertising, and from the turn of the last century onward through the 1970s, it became more and more fashionable to smoke, then it petered down somewhat as the lawsuits began to roll in. R.J.Reynolds went on the marketing offensive with Joe Camel, and the C-Note Campaign. Phillip Morris began issuing Marlboro Miles and Marlboro Gear. Most cigarettes offered various premiums and gimmics to get you to buy, whether it was in the form of mail in offers, or in gimmicky displays with merchandise included in the special packaging. Lighters, Flashlights, Ashtrays, Coffee Cups, Can Coolers, T Shirts, and Jackets lined the shelves of every gas station and smoke shop, and convenience store. Each display jockying for your attention.

How many bozos like me collected Camel Bucks, and ended up with a ton of junk like etched beer mugs, pilsner glasses, dart boards, darts, beach chairs, towels, back packs, jackets, shirts, flashlights, lighters, pool sticks, and even tiffany style lamps? In hindsight I realize now that the best thing I could have done was not to open any of the stuff I purchased with the C-notes, and better, not to open the cigarettes in the first place. At least then I might have a collection that might in... oh say, 200 years be worth the cost of the cigarettes. Obviously, better still would have been to not purchase the cigarettes at all, and put the money in an IRA for the 20 plus years that I smoked. Yes, that would have been ideal. Insead I chose to smoke for 20 odd years, and it cost me more than I imagined it would. When we are young, we are bullet proof.... at least in our own minds. "It won't happen to me." we think, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. We watch friends and family get sick and die from smoking related illness, and still we believe foolishly it can never happen to us.

I could have put up a different picture, instead of the strike out tobacco hat.... I could have posted a picture of my brilliant red and angry looking twelve inch incision on my chest.... Oh... its up here somewhere, probably in my photo albums, but I figured you did not need to see it here, on the front page, all up in your face and all. Perhaps that is what we need though.... a little more "up in your face action". Thankfully though, cigarettes are being taxed out of reach of many, so maybe that will help. But if not, then what we will have is a bunch of poor, sick, and dying people.

WORD.

She Meant Every Word I said

I ran across an old piece of scratch paper with these words on it, and I cannot remember why in the heck I wrote this phrase down, but it must have been important at the time. It sounds very much like the title of a country song, and for some reason I like the way it sounds. It does at least make an interesting lead up to something I want to talk about anyway.

It makes me think about many years ago, in a time so far away that it barely seems like a reality. So much water underneath the bridge in the years that followed. Can it even be said that I am the same person I was then? What about her? I could go on about so many things, but really all I was thinking about were the vows I composed. So long ago..... what ever happened to those two people we once were? I miss them.

I had planned on putting up a webpage of sorts for the Mrs to be able to keep posted on the goings on in my life. This forum seems as good a place as any. I doubt if she will ever read it, let alone subscribe to yahoo. Who knows? I cannot say I know her anymore. She likely feels the same as I do. She probably wonders if she knows me. Niether one of us is the same person we were back then. I also need to get out of the habit of referring to her as the Mrs. We have not been together in over a year, and the papers were signed long ago. She moved away, and I am still here. Still... there is a part of me that still feels close to her. I suspect that may never change. Moving on is difficult, letting go is even more so.

Too bad in addition to the loving promises for a future together, over the years many angry and hateful words crossed my lips. Too bad that words cut far deeper than you would expect. I, of all people, should know this the best. Nevertheless, I will always be thankful for the time we had together, and for the few good times we shared. I blew it. I know that. Blame it on being pigheaded and stubborn. But, on the positive side, I learned a lot, and even though the cost was painful, and great, I would not even trade a moment of my time with her. Sucks I guess, we were soulmates. Too bad we screwed it up by getting married.