HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, AND THANKS FOR THE BROKEN HEART

I really blew it today. I know how and why I lost my composure, and yet somehow looking back at the things I said, it does not seem real. Maybe it has not sunk in yet. I blew it. I am in a miserable mood right now, mostly feeling sorry for myself. I am angry at myself, and I am angry at my ex girlfriend. The horrible part is that I feel like she finally forced me to do and say these things tonight. Because of my underlying emotions, and my feelings of loss of control in my life and relationship, I allowed my hurt feelings to fester into anger, and when I did that, it opened the door for me to act and talk in a way that was potentially abusive and controlling. Were my words abusive? Was I abusive? Was I really controlling? As I explore these questions and try to sort out my thoughts, I apologize for whatever emotions I may trigger from those that read this blog. I apologize for my intensity, and I hope you can forgive me. I am essentially just venting, and this is the only outlet I have at 4am on Valentine's Day.



My ex girlfriend and I have been struggling for a time. I know it is not all my fault as she might have others believe, and I know it is not entirely her fault, which I actually accused her of tonight. But there is so much more to this story, and I have to write about it. I HAVE TO.... for my sanity. I need to sort out these myriad thoughts and feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger. I am presently feeling an overall sense of sick emptiness. My heart is crumbling yet again because I am in denial. I love this woman even though things have not been going well for awhile. I never wanted to hurt her, but yet it is precisely what she expected all along, and what she accused me of, what she challenged me to do everytime things got particularly difficult.



In order for me to do damage control tomorrow, likely by way of an email, I need to think about the things that are bothering me, and put them into words as opposed to feelings. I need to identify what hurt me and why it hurt me, I need to acknowledge that I am indeed angry, even if anger is actually a secondary emotion.

Here are some snippets I found about love.

If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.

I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day.

Don’t leave everything to to god though, because:
“God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.”


Here is something positive for you,


“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. “


And as positive as it gets:


It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.


Or you can laugh it away with something like:Nothing takes the taste out of peanutbutter quite like unrequited love.


And never giving up:


It takes a minute to like someone, and hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a life time.