Wow. Like most people, my life gets a little confusing sometimes, and myriad small distractions take me away from the things I either want to be doing, or should be doing. At this moment, a guilty conscience is driving me to take the time to make an entry here as I just now realized I have a small following, and as such I need to make a more sincere effort to write here a little more often, but my goal will always be quality, not quantity, so perhaps my entries will be shorter, but I will at least endeavor to port a little more frequently when I can. In actuality, this blog is taking me away from something I need to be doing right now. I have an early morning appointment tomorrow, and need to get my stuff together for that appointment, and try to get at least some rest tonight.
But, I do have something on my mind which for the past week has been causing me concern. My nephew Alan, who was pictured at the blues festival last week, has turned up missing. I have been unable to reach him by phone since last Saturday evening. This is not unusual for Alan to disappear, but it concerns me because it was unexpected. We all had hoped that he had settled down. He has been stable at this location for about a year now, and for him, that is a record, having spent much of the past 20 years living on the streets. In the past we (the family) have all worried that no one would know to contact us if something were to happen to Alan, and we might never know . Turns out that very little has changed really.
Alan has problems. We all do. But Alan and his brother Michael may have more than their fair share. This comes as a result of addictive behaviors, poor decision making skills, anger, and perhaps even a modicum of fear. They are both angry men, for many reasons, but the bottom line is they still have not come to realize that the bad things that happen to them are a direct result of the choices they make, and the actions they do. It is no one's fault but their own, and as best any of us (the family again) can tell, they both are still blaming anyone and anything that they can for the problems that plague them. It seems to be common among people with these sort of problems, and as long as they do not hold themselves accountable for the choices they make, they will likely continue on this very self destructive path.
I have not seen Alan's younger brother Michael since 2006. Until 2007, I had not seen Alan since 2000. So you can see the pattern they share. Nevertheless, I am concerned that something bad may have befallen Alan. I know his propensity towards alcohol and drug abuse, but I also know he had little money. He was owed like $30 by someone he knew, and I worry that when he got the money, he did something very foolish. Whatever happened, he has not been home in a week. I cannot help but fear the worst. Now, that I am worried about him, and do not know why he would not return home, I realize that should he end up dead, I now have no idea how or where to reach Michael either. But they are family, and I do care about them. I just wish they would let the people who actually care about them be a part of their lives instead of shutting us out entirely.
I have called the apartment manager, who was no help at all, and I have called every hospital in the greater Portland area. I have also checked the jail rosters for Multnomah County, and so far, have found no information. I can either wait and hope, or, I can take a more proactive approach. I am planning on calling the Police on Monday, and seeing if I can make a missing person report. Just in case. I wish Alan realized how much we all care for him and worry ... how much we have worried for all these years, and how much time and expense I have put into locating him in years past.
For now, all I can do is pray... and say Damn! a lot.
