For a time, it would seem, I have fallen off the planet. I do not know for certain whether the Earth picked up speed as it spun on it's axis, or whether it momentarily stopped altogether briefly, long enough only for the gravitational field to lose it's hold on me and allowing me to hurtle off into space. But obviously, for a time anyway, I was not here. What other plausible explanation might explain my lengthy absence from writing in my blog here? Oh wait! I know.. I know... I got it! The real reason I was not here posting blogs is because I was sailing deep into Polynesian waters when a storm came up were it not for the courage of the fearless crew, it surely would have been lost. The boat set down on the shore of some uncharted desert isle where I was held captive by seven crazed geriatrics that had capsized there some 40 years before.
No? Okay... that was a bit of a stretch. Bottom line, I have no excuses for not writing. I just looked at my blog today and was disappointed that there are relatively few entries in light of the length of time that this Blog has been online. I want to be a prolific writer, I want to share a little bit of myself, but every time I try, something happens and I blow it off. It is the same thing with my handwritten journals. I go months sometimes between entries. I feel bad for that because to a degree, I feel that I have lost a piece of my past by not keeping a record of it. Damn OCD anyway.
The last week alone has provided me with plenty of stuff to think and write about, but I just have not been able to slow down my brain long enough to actually sit down and do it. Then, like now, I am harried, as I have an appointment in like 30 minutes.... but it is a good thing. My job hunt has not been going well, I have had a large number of negative responses if I got a response at all. I have not been able to make it past the pre-employment phone screens. It makes me feel like crap because I know if I could only get to meet a person face to face, I would likely have had a job months ago. So, in an hours time, I will be sitting in front of a human resources administrator, and a department manager in the first face to face interview I have had in a very long time. Nervous? You bet. Anxious... yeah.. more so with each passing minute. I applied for virtually every single position within the company, short of management, though I could probably handle that too. The pre employment testing was a no brainer for me, but it seemed all common sense. I have no reason to be nervous really, but I do not want this job so much as need it. It is not with one of my preferred options. I applied at a lot of companies... some ecause I was interested, others because I was qualified, and others still because I knew they were more apt to hire because of the large rate of turnover. Todays interview is with one of the latter companies. I need a job, and have had to lower my standards about the type of work I am willing to do, and the treatment I am willing to endure, all in the name of getting a steady income flowing in.Okay... so I hope I get the job... but I am not ending my search here. I hope to develop and hone my skills, pad my resume with new experiences and certificates if possible... Pad.. okay.. bad word... But my resume is stripped pretty bare now because I am not looking for jobs working with kids or adults anymore. I am no longer a counselor, no longer a teacher, no longer a recreation professional, no longer a caregiver, and no longer really qualified for the work I once did. What I want now is a desk job, because of my health, but unlikely to see that here. I will likely be doing physical labor again, and with trepidations about my heart. I know lifting and moving items may cause me pain... but is it really worth saying anything and take a chance at not getting a job, or to go in, try my best, then give 20 % more if I can, and hope for the best? If something happens, I may be able to deal with it equally well after I have the job. Well.. wish me luck.. time for me to go. Crossing my fingers.
