Coming Back To Life
A year has passed since my last entry, and I scarcely know where to begin writing. I doubt very much that I can bring this up to date satisfactorily. All I know for certain is that when I finally hit the "Preview & Post" button, this MySpace page needs to look different. It needs to be different because I am different. A lot of things can change in a years time, and sometimes, a lot of things can change all at once. So it is for me. One day my life is going along status quo…. The next day my life is yanked like a rug from beneath my feet and shaken out so thoroughly that the few pieces that remain are scattered far and wide, leaving me with a choice…. ; Pick the pieces up and hang on to what I can, or let it go, accept it as a total loss, and start over from scratch.
Okay…. Edited MYSPACE before I finished that thought…. Now all I have to do is bring my blog up to date, maybe add a couple photos, and it's all good. I like the banner maker tool I found at My Wacko Space whatever… I kinda changed the name of my blog. I used to call it "Life, Love, Understanding, & other BS." Now I renamed it "Coming Back To Life: A Second Chance… at a new beginning". Somehow, in light of all that has happened in the last couple years it seems more appropriate.
Anyway, my last entry was about Kat, who had been being a pain in my butt that day. How was I to know that it could get a Hell of a lot worse? As I roll up my shirtsleeves and prepare to bring this up to date, I think I need to mention that while I have strong emotions about what happened, and it may sound like I am complaining, I am on the whole mostly thankful because even though a lot has gone wrong, I remain convinced that God has a great purpose for all of it, and I am thankful to not be the same man I was three years ago.
Change does not come easy. Usually, for me, change has come slow, with me kicking and screaming the entire way. I sometimes reflect on things only to realize that I am not responding to things in the manner I once did. The changes took place quickly this time. I remember praying for change, and then "Whoomp! There it is!"
Change is sometimes painful. It sometimes comes at great personal expense. It has not disappointed me in either case. It was painful (still is in fact), and the personal cost was higher than any price I have ever paid. But something wonderful happened along the way. First of all, instead of resisting change, I now welcome it. Secondly, because I am handling things differently, mostly by the grace of God, I have found I really like the man I see in the mirror.
I do not know anymore whether Kathleen is alive or dead. I only assume she is alive. It turns out that I misjudged her. She was far more deceitful than I ever imagined. She hurt me in a way I never saw coming, never expected, never thought possible, and was totally unprepared for. I cannot even fathom how I am going to write about this in only one entry. In fact I do not believe I will. I think I will do it over the course of several entries so that I do not confuse the fact.
For now, I will briefly summarize.
When Hospice dropped her, she began to self medicate using alcohol (booze and or Listerine) pills (methadone wafers), and marijuana. I had a huge problem with this, and after her frequent hospitalizations, I requested help from her case manager. On
Kathleen meanwhile stole my wife's identity, emptied my bank accounts, sold my computers, antiques, my fish, everything. I did manage to get a civil standby 4 months later. What little remained in my house of any value she fought me on. I lost my home, and virtually all of my possessions, my furniture, my clothes, my pets, my antiques, family heirlooms, journals, books, files, pictures…. My mothers wedding ring, my fathers few possessions, and even my mother's prosthetic legs which I had been trying to donate to charity. I lost my job, and can no longer work with either adults or children because of the charges. She left me hanging with bounced checks totaling over $1000, and with court costs, fees, and mandatory DV counseling (which by the way the Psych Exams showed I did not require) I ended up being out over $4000.00 plus everything I owned.
When I did get in to grab what I could, the neighbors verbally assaulted myself, and my closest friend and his wife, while the local police stood by and did nothing. I had to stand there with them screaming in my face, and spitting on me while I waited for the police to determine that I had not taken anything that did not belong to me. I heard later that she accused me of stealing her purse, and about $300, and went so far as to threaten the Chief of Police with a lawsuit.
I am angry. Very angry, and hurt. I thought the law was there to protect us, but obviously we are not guaranteed due process. I tried to appeal, but the judge tossed it out. In the end, it is cheaper for me to start over than to try to find a lawyer and take it to a higher court. Seems Kat is judgement proof, and no lawyer wants to go against another attorney and a judge.
So… I am a walking Serenity Prayer. Every day I have to remind myself that this is something I cannot change. I faced it head on, and I lost… but my integrity is still intact, and even though I lost everything that I owned, I find I am a better man. I am not angry like I would have been before. Somewhere along the line, I became a new man, a man less prone to anger and bitterness, and resentment. In three months time, the no contact order should be rescinded, and I will take the truth to the friends I have not been allowed to contact because they were also her friends…. Never mind they were my friends first. I will take everything I have learned, and all of my questions to her family, in the hopes that maybe someone can tell me why she did this to me. I gave her my life for an entire year, and everything I did not give her, she stole. I cannot ever get it back.
I am living now with my sister, 300 miles away from that evil disseizoress, and working through the mess. Funny… I still care about her in a way. I guess it is true. If you give someone your love, they will always hold a piece of your heart. She can have that piece of my heart I guess. I am not giving her any more of my life. I just think of her, and wonder… and I pray for her too. I really do hope she is doing okay. But I also hope one day she realizes that what she did was wrong.
Meanwhile… my divorce finally became final this month. Funny how it took Kat stealing my wife's identity to open up the lines of our communication. I still do not know what is going to happen down the road, but I am optimistic my (ex) wife and I can still be friends. I still love her, and always will. She will always hold that piece of my heart. Maybe I owe Kat a debt of gratitude. Because of her, I changed a lot. I am a better person for the experience. Maybe… just maybe…. I am a little wiser too.
