Yesterday was a long day. I was presented with news that I could have gone a lifetime without hearing. The telephone rings, and a voice, perhaps familiar, perhaps not, disembodied, impersonal, yet belonging to a person who is faced with one of the more difficult tasks in life, proceeds to tell you that someone you know and perhaps loved is gone. It is a part of life. These things happen to each of us in time. Sometimes we are the recipients of bad news, sometimes the task falls to us to deliver the news to someone we care about, or other times to people we may not even know. It is an unenviable task, one which there is simply no easy way to do. You cannot really prepare someone for the news, because that only sets their mind to spinning, "Oh God! What is it?" On the other hand, the bearer of the bad tidings must be considerate of the recipients feelings. But there is no easy way.
How do you tell them that someone they know and perhaps loved is dead, and not coming home tonight? In my experience, the direct approach is usually best. Don't beat around the bush, simply express your regrets up front, and simply state the facts in as clear and concise a manner as possible. Then remain with the person, either in person, or on the phone, long enough to offer whatever support and condolences that you can, listen to them, answer the questions, and then, making sure they are as okay as they can be under the circumstances, walk away. Your job is done. Anything less would be insensitive, anything more would be maudlin. I applaud young Quinn for the tactful way in which he handled the painful duty. He was personally involved with my nephew, worked with him, and knew him better than most. He was a friend to Alan John. I am thankful for everything he did for Alan, and in turn for me. Quinn is a nice man, a caring man, working in a challenging field, advocating for the needs of the homeless, focusing specifically on providing them with an avenue off the streets.
In many cases, it seems like we walk past the homeless, sometimes not even sparing them a glance, or acknowledging their presence. But thankfully there are a few, people like Quinn, who find a calling in serving the needs of the homeless, of treating them with dignity and respect. People like Quinn who see people like my nephew Alan as more than just a sad statistic, but as a person, a human being who has a story, feelings, needs, but who most of all just one person to care enough about them to not look away.
In the past few years I have learned that there is a fine line between helping someone, and enabling someone. Sometimes doing one means doing the other. What can you do in those circumstances? That is something I have yet to figure out. But, along with the many other things that are important to me, this is something I have begun to feel strongly about. One of my things is that I enjoy writing, I find it cathartic. It helps me to sort out my thought and feelings. But I have a tendency to only write about the events as they happen.
A friend of mine, last night, took me aside, and encouraged me to pursue my writing, as have many others before him.But he suggested that I not necessarily write in a linear fashion. Who says I need to keep things in any sort of order? The important thing is that I take the time, explore my observations, past present, and future, without regard to the actual sequence of events. Also to allow myself the freedom to write in whatever manner I see fit... forget about making points, or targeting audiences. Focus instead on the simple act of writing and see where it takes me. So... right now, I haven't a clue where it will lead, but I did want him to know that I did listen, I did hear him, and I genuinely appreciate the input.
